after 3 months of beeing a damn sampah, i’m very glad to say that Eric Wong is finally taking his spot in society as a dog of capitalism and he’s going to be working as one of the millions of people  arduously struggling from 9-5 everyday. wee i got a job.

hahaha i’m so lazy to type lah. let’s just end this here and with a smile. i like smiles. smiles make the world go round. this is the happy side of me talking.

maybe if you search hard enuff you can read the unhappy side of me talking somewhere on the net. =) hohoho

Recent events have certainly placed that into perspective.

Symbiosis practically means a mutual profit from both parties as a relationship exists. To be able to make mutual symbiotic bonds between members of their own species is a natural born ability of any living creature. Animals do it, insects do it, and of course, building relationships with other human beings is a natural and essential part of our lives. But yet, the fact being that we’re as complex as we are, i really envy a lot of the more simpler functions that animals and insects use to create bonds and relationships. The only difference we have with (a lot) of the animal’s and insect’s ability to make relationships is that in their world, they don’t really break. There is no room for mis-communication, no margin for unintentional words uttered. We have that margin for error. And more often than not, a lot of the relationships that we see break so often are a result of small issues. Issues which could have easily been avoided or left unsaid.

Words are as powerful a tool as they are a weapon. We sometimes allow them to take control of out lives though, in a sense that misunderstandings and misinterpretations get the better of us. Even if intentions are noble, even if we stand wanting to clear the air, sometimes it maybe perceived in the wrong way. But I always believe and hope in this case that time does clear the air. It’s always a waste when things go sour, when because of little things that the bigger picture of making relationships that last goes to crap.

But saying that, it is this very ability to communicate on so many levels that make our relationships so rewarding, so enriching. And that’s the reason we keep on doing it. Be it in clubs with fun and crazy people, on facebook, at work, by the road, at go-kart tracks (haha).

This both applies to relationships both romantically, and friendships.

I’ve always said (even in a lot of the posts before) that I loathe significant others that put in place a certain amount of control in the actions of their gf/bf. And I dunno, it just may be me but here I always feel my superpower “common” sense tingling. It’s not your life. Fundamentally, you should always know that I want you to be in my life because I let you be in my life. And likewise, I’m in your life because you let me in too. That said, we’re two individuals who enjoy each other’s company more than others, we’re two people who have for the most part of our lives (as youngsters now) lived our lives single or without the company of the other. Just because we’re together now doesn’t mean that I’m supposed to drop my current life and devote my 24 hours to you (and vice versa). But of course, it doesn’t mean that being together is just a status, plain and simple.The rule of thumb for me is that whatever you want to do in your life, yes, it’s your life. You should do whatever you want if you can tell me where you’re going and where you are occasionally during the night/day so I know you’re safe, and that you’re not doing anything behind my back to betray my trust. Plain and simple right? Love me for who I am and not who you want me to be. Truth much?

I’ve never really disbelieved in love as much as I do now really. Maybe it’s past experiences, maybe it’s the notion that no one who’s been together for however many months cannot fathom how much of a commitment it is to say that four lettered word. But I’ll leave that for another day. Look not for love, instead, let it come without searching and it’ll be true. I’m happy with my life now with the friends that are in it. Being single for almost 2 years again now I’ve come to believe that there’s no rush.. that the song is true that hearts were never meant to race. Looking at problems that crop up now, actually makes me a little intimidated with the dramas.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this but I guess that it’s still the same that companionship, on both point of views of relationships, is imperatively essential in our daily lives. I hope that things will clear up soon between everyone. =)

daijobuuu haha.

but lately, a lot has been running through my mind. one being perceived by some as being someone who’s now graduated but not doing anything irks me a little but i can’t blame them. i need to find my job soon, be it here in KL or somewhere else. i’m hoping it’ll be somewhere other than Malaysia but then again, not too far away that i can’t smell the amazing food that i get here (when i don’t get diarrhea or stupid shit like that).

another being matters of the heart. a little tug from the past still lingers on some days but slowly it’s subsiding. we accept life as it is and move on no? =) i’m lucky to have idiot friends to pui me sohai around. haha ahhhhhhh sien i don’t even have anything to say anymore on the blog.

too bad i don’t take many pics no? =P

bah. another day lah.

GOKARTING TOMORROW wheee! come join me and the speed freaks tomorrow at 4pm for some adrenalin pumped fun!

even though mum’s told me on the phone you looked frail, i saw through and saw nothing different. physically, you did look maybe a little worse but through it all, that strong, pure, sincere and funny personality shot straight through it all.

being able to spend all that time with you, regardless of how little it was, i will always treasure those little moments. i’ve thought in the past, maybe i should have spent a little more time in wichita instead of flying home so quickly but i’ve of course come to realize that nothing in this world is more important than family, and being there for the ones you love when they need you to be.

we may not have been the closest grandpa and grandson, you and i.. but through my mum and through visiting you in the hospital, i now realize and know how much you’re proud of your family, how much you’re proud that i’m back with a degree, how much you value your daughters and sons now that they’re all there for you, taking care of you and doing their best in trying to make you feel better.

you touched the lives of so many people, even strangers in the hospital and family members of other ailing patients. you always offered to share your food with them, always told stories in the hospital about your times in china, and you were always capable of funny moments where you’d make people laugh even in the face of what’s happening with your physical self. even though that whole hospital floor was for terminal patients who cannot even walk or care for themselves, you were the strong one fighting through it all and could still walk around, exercising even! and sometimes even sneaking to the balcony or the toilet to smoke a ciggie (while cheekily asking the nurses not to tell my parents or my uncles).

even when you were diagnosed with the 3 terminal cancers, you still refused to give in and fought for 9 months now.. all the while still being able to take a taxi from home to see your friends and play chess. you would still walk from the house to the bus stop if you didn’t want a cab. you could still take those long flights to china to see your hometown village and your relatives over there for at least a few months every year. and you did all these while being cancer-struck and having lived for 88 years now. anyone will have to respect that you’re a strong fighter and your will to live, especially for your family, is beyond belief. i will always look up to that, and i’ll be blessed if i can have half your willpower, grandpa.

i will miss you, and undoubtedly, so will every other person in the family as well as those lives and souls you have touched along the way in your precious and eventful life. you’ve lived a good life and now it’s time to start a new one in the heavens above watching over us. i’m always glad that at least, you saw almost everyone in the family and we were all by your side as we said our goodbyes to you. but then again, it’s never a goodbye. this is a see you later instead of a goodbye because one day, somewhere sometime, we will all be reunited again.

you’ll be in my heart forever grandpa. i <3 you and i’ll miss you. now it’s time for you to rest your soul in peace.

88 years you’ve lived and you’ll live a million more in our hearts.

so 2009 has finally drawn to a close and it’s another year gone by in another blink of an eye.
recent happenings:

• i graduated. *applause please*
• i have left america, my second home.
• i am back in malaysia
• and i think i’ve eaten enough Malaysian food in a week to last someone normal a month.

coming back to the motherland certainly brings back memories. seeing old friends and having dinner with them tonight (with interesting conversations) sparked more memories too. but memories are just memories; nothing more, nothing less.

i’ve been pondering opening up and sending someone a heartfelt message. someone special, someone close, someone i miss dearly. it seems the story of my life that my feelings for people decide to grow as i’m about to leave a place and i guess quite possibly the same has happened. but then again, i’ve left and is there any need to really speak it up and let it out?

maybe it’s just an issue of closure. yeah, i think that’s what it is. it’s probably a matter of closing another chapter in my life that will now forever more exist in a part of my mind as memories. fond fond memories of people, of places and of events. memories of times where i wish i could have done things differently and memories of people i could have tried to know better and change certain events that happened.

but with closure, comes the opening and start of a new chapter as well. what beckons in the year 2010. a new decade, a new year, a new beginning with old acquaintances and old memories.

i might keep you updated. or i might not.

somehow, i’ve kinda lost the will to type much. haha. but most of the readers are already gone anyway. maybe those who stay will read of my darkest secrets here now. =)

i woke up to (literally at 6pm) to the news of the death of one of hollywood’s icons and undoubtably icons of billions around the world. michael jackson, the king has moved on.

it was sorta numb at first really, on the first site i always open nowadays.. facebook. updates on MJ’s condition was coming fast and frequent and i couldn’t believe it. a quick glance at CNN and it was true.

you know how sometimes you just can’t believe what happened? this particular feeling stuck on me for probably 4 or 5 days after he died. i dunno, it’s just something about michael jackson that made you believe deep down inside of you that he’s someone who shouldn’t die, like he “can’t” die. it’s just UNTHINKABLE that he’d actually die. but he did. and he went as sudden as the storm that set his road to fame alive.

for me, i didn’t know why i was affected even until i spent the rest of the day on imeem just listening and singing along to his older tunes and slowly, it hit me. i had grown up with his music my entire life. i can really say that MJ was probably the first music artist that made me sing along to everytime i heard it. i always remember listening to Heal the World.. Black or White was also a big hit in my mind once the memories came flooding in with the Home Alone kid there in the music videos.

and despite his numerous eccentricities, i really remember him more for his larger than life attitude towards singing, towards dancing (understatement) and towards life in general. through the extended coverage here in america (all the major news networks specifically had MJ as their front page item for probably a week or so after his death) i was able to rekindle my memories of him and his songs. seeing his life progress through photos and videos really made me think and believed that MJ really is the boy who never grew up but still did mature at the same time.

the boy who started his career as a superstar when he was 6 and kept his fame going on and on until he was 50, ready to embark on another superstar curtain call tour around the globe. he never had time for the usual growing up routines that kids had in those days. it was tours, producing, concerts, recordings, and whatnot instead of school and regular chill time with your friends.

his meteoric rise was even more remarkable given that he’s black. MTV started playing Black music because of MJ. MJ is the breakthrough for many things, icons of history that changed the world. people who should be mentioned in the same breath as MJ include the likes of Elvis Presly, Bruce Lee, etc. MJ was the true superstar of the past half century.

growing up with his music, now that he’s dead, you really start to think and wonder.. MJ’s been with all of us really. every soul living on this planet can relate to a lot of his music, especially the meaningful “i wan’t to change the world” ideas underlying them in some way.

corny as it may sound, MJ has moved on physically, but will always live on in those who cherish his music, his life, his legacy. one of the true greats of this century..

RIP Michael Joseph Jackson

i’ve been meaning to update the blog for quite some time now but i dunno, everytime i have that urge to write something down, i just shrug it off and just leave it be, dwelling only on it when i have the time in my mind. but nonetheless, only the normal stuff’s been happening lately. since coming back to the states, the first 4+ months have been pretty standard and normal except for the instance where i hydrolocked my car and screwed up my engine.

but i guess emotionally i’ve been fine all the way.  i can partly attribute this to really sticking to my new thinking of not really caring much for what’s happening, and not constantly trying to try try try to change things to come my way. everything happens for a reason and for whatever reason it is, i accept it, even if i don’t know it. always thinking and trying only brings deeper regrets and hurt once things don’t go your way.

when the car broke down, feelings of extreme hurt from before rose again. not exactly the same feelings of hurt but, metaphorically speaking, i felt a big tug on my heart as my car’s basically something i love a lot here and to see her broken down made me nuts. but retrospectively, i realised that it’s been such a while since i’ve felt a feeling of sadness like that. that got me thinking, hmm not feeling this in a long time probably means that i’ve been actually feeling fine all this while. dwell no more.

then there’s the issue of what i’m going to do once i graduate at the end of the year. i guess it’s just my luck that i’ll be graduating at the time where the economy’s in the biggest shithole its seen since the 1930s. that’s not even factoring in the fact that graduates in economics aren’t the biggest job market candidates. so i’m practically screwed so i’ll probably extend my time in school (guiltily at the expense of my poor father).

where will i be in the month of december? i still dunno.. everyday this question sweeps through my mind like a lingering bee flying by your ear. it’s constant repititive buzzing only serves to irritate me and i constantly keep wanting to get it over with and make a decision but i know i can’t. but so far, i think i’m probably 70% leaving wichita.

i have nothing against the place, except for the fact that i dislike most everything about it. i will miss the people, the malaysians especially but i know i’ll run into them again in the future. but then again, saying goodbyes now when there’s 6 months to go is still pretty premature since anything can happen.

and that’s another instance where taking things one step at a time really helps for me. i want to take this slowly and just go with the flow (even though sometimes it won’t let me do it).

but most probably, if everything goes to plan, i’ll be back in malaysia before i know it. and probably i’ll take a holiday for about 2 months or so, visiting countries around and then i’ll be in australia doing my masters. who knows.. i might find a job and be done with it there. or i might even just do my masters in malaysia or something.

we’ll see.

dunno why, i’m not really in the most pleasant of moods today.. hmmm i want to rant, i want to shout, i want to scream. i just don’t have the place to do it anymore..