and i will remember…
February 2, 2010
from the time i saw you again after not seeing you for 1 whole year til today, i felt as if i’m knowing a new person but yet, nothing’s really changed.
even though mum’s told me on the phone you looked frail, i saw through and saw nothing different. physically, you did look maybe a little worse but through it all, that strong, pure, sincere and funny personality shot straight through it all.
being able to spend all that time with you, regardless of how little it was, i will always treasure those little moments. i’ve thought in the past, maybe i should have spent a little more time in wichita instead of flying home so quickly but i’ve of course come to realize that nothing in this world is more important than family, and being there for the ones you love when they need you to be.
we may not have been the closest grandpa and grandson, you and i.. but through my mum and through visiting you in the hospital, i now realize and know how much you’re proud of your family, how much you’re proud that i’m back with a degree, how much you value your daughters and sons now that they’re all there for you, taking care of you and doing their best in trying to make you feel better.
you touched the lives of so many people, even strangers in the hospital and family members of other ailing patients. you always offered to share your food with them, always told stories in the hospital about your times in china, and you were always capable of funny moments where you’d make people laugh even in the face of what’s happening with your physical self. even though that whole hospital floor was for terminal patients who cannot even walk or care for themselves, you were the strong one fighting through it all and could still walk around, exercising even! and sometimes even sneaking to the balcony or the toilet to smoke a ciggie (while cheekily asking the nurses not to tell my parents or my uncles).
even when you were diagnosed with the 3 terminal cancers, you still refused to give in and fought for 9 months now.. all the while still being able to take a taxi from home to see your friends and play chess. you would still walk from the house to the bus stop if you didn’t want a cab. you could still take those long flights to china to see your hometown village and your relatives over there for at least a few months every year. and you did all these while being cancer-struck and having lived for 88 years now. anyone will have to respect that you’re a strong fighter and your will to live, especially for your family, is beyond belief. i will always look up to that, and i’ll be blessed if i can have half your willpower, grandpa.
i will miss you, and undoubtedly, so will every other person in the family as well as those lives and souls you have touched along the way in your precious and eventful life. you’ve lived a good life and now it’s time to start a new one in the heavens above watching over us. i’m always glad that at least, you saw almost everyone in the family and we were all by your side as we said our goodbyes to you. but then again, it’s never a goodbye. this is a see you later instead of a goodbye because one day, somewhere sometime, we will all be reunited again.
you’ll be in my heart forever grandpa. i <3 you and i’ll miss you. now it’s time for you to rest your soul in peace.
88 years you’ve lived and you’ll live a million more in our hearts.
